Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Family visit

This month has been really busy with my family visiting from America. I've been off of work for a bit too which has been nice, it's given me a chance to recharge my batteries and take a look at whats really going on in my life.

One of my options at the end of a long list of children options is adoption  and being around my nieces this month really gave me some perspective on that I think. I know they're my nieces and obviously related to me but they're not actually mine and the last couple of weeks with them has made me realise that I can love a child really really deeply that isn't biologically mine. I now that might sound a bit crazy but a fear I had/have when looking into egg donation and/or adoption is that I wonder if the child would ever really feel like mine, I wonder if I would ever love them the same as if they were biologically mine, the last thing I would ever what to do with any of the processes I'm going through or intend to go through is damage an innocent child. A child that I have is going to have a hard enough journey anyway I think due to the circumstances surrounding it's arrival and the last thing I would ever want to do is make life harder for them but I can honestly say I feel lighter having had them all to visit, I'm confident that I will feel the same as any other mum, that I will love a child that I have been given to care for which ever way they've come to me and they can have as happy a life as any other child. I know I can do this.

Thanks for your visit brother it really meant a lot. :-))

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Next try

I've had to take tablets again in the run up to my period, it's just so they can regulate completely when my period is due. I've decided this time that my FSH has to be considerably lower than 15 for me to go through it all again. The thing is as long as it is under 15 you can be treated and they're more than happy to take your money but the reality of it is that the higher the FSH the lower the chance of success is.

Today I went along to the clinic for a scan and blood test to see how it's all looking. I'm feeling like a regular there now. It's July and I've been going there since January, I really never thought it would take this long to get pregnant, I knew when I went to see the doctor in Eastbourne that it wasn't looking good for me but still I thought I might be one of the lucky ones, after all, why not, why not me?!

This evening the clinic called me and it's not good news. My FSH was 14.2 so whilst it is under 15 not by very much at all.The first month I tried treatment back in March and they cancelled the cycle and I had IUI instead my FSH was 14.8 so based purely on that I've decided to not go ahead with treatment this month and wait till next month and see what my hormones are doing then.

This is the one and only time that I wished the time between periods was shorter! Its such a loing wait between appointments when all you want to do is get started again. The thing is the doctor said that this should really be my last attempt so I'm keen to make it a good go, to give myself every possible oportunity that I can. I deserve that after all! :-)

In the meantime I'm constantly googling supplements that I can take and different alternative medicines I can explore. Anything really. My latest is Chinese Medicine.
I've been going to a Tai Chi class at my local gym and the guy who runs that class is also a chinese medicine doctor. He seems like a nice guy so I'm going to give him a go. I'll let you know!

I've also got family coming over from America this month too, it's my brother and his family and I haven't seen them in two years so I'm really looking forward to it and I know it'll give me something to take my mind off of the last 7 months treatment. Hes got two little girls so as well I know I'll be looking at them and wondering about my dreams.