WOW!!!!!!

WOW!!! I can't believe it. The clinic called at 10.30am to say that four of my five eggs have fertilised. I just can't believe it, that's just fantastic news it really is. Even the embryologist said it was fantastic. I'm so excited and finally a bit hopeful I think, I hope I'm not headed for a bigger fall, I've got to think positively, I really have. But that really is fantastic news, it means all isn't lost, that getting pregnant is still a viable possibility.

The weather again is pants today and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I feel fine and I'm excited about the news but it's still quite difficult for me to get really excited and happy about things and I do wonder why that is. I've been like that since breaking up with my ex, I feel like I can't snap out of it, what ever 'it' is! It's horrible, I really don't want to feel like this, I really don't and I'm really trying to feel better but it's hard. I lead a very lonely life so there's not really a lot of fun in my life, I don't know why my life is like it is, I really don't, over the years I've had friends but for one reason or another they've always gone by the wayside. I'm a very happy and full of life person when I'm with friends so it's not like I'm always unhappy when I'm around people but for some reason people just don't stay in my life for long! :-((  Anyway I really can't think of that right now, I have to concentrate on feeling good about life. :-)

So today dad popped in to see how I was and we popped to the allotment. I kinda think it would have been nice if he'd called last night to see how I was but I expect he thought I was sleeping, and of course I never heard from my brother, just got a short text from my aunt and a phone call from my uncle asking if I'll be about on Thursday and when will I know if I'm here or not!! You can see I'm really on my own here can't you??
After our allotment visit again dad doesn't really know what to do or say so heads off. Normally I'm totally fine with the way he and how the rest of the family are but when I'm going through something important I just kinda expect them to step up to the mark more and of course they don't. One day perhaps I'll learn.

It's a friends birthday today so I arranged to pop up to give her a card and a bottle of wine. I think in fact it was the same bottle of  wine another 'friend' gave me for my 40th! I can't imagine it's a decent one at all. I was disappointed to find that another mutual friend of ours who has moved away had been to visit and hadn't been in touch, just another example of how people don't seem to want to be in touch with me. And the bizarre thing is that this friend who visited went through IVF last year and I've been in touch with her about it all so for her to visit and not been in touch is a little bit of a blow but common practice if I'm honest. I just don't know what I do wrong. :-(( But as I said I really need to concentrate on myself now and the possibility of new life, I can't worry about what makes people behave in the way they do, I need to just concentrate on how I behave.