What ifs

I'm really excited to be starting again but of course at the same time I'm apprehensive. What happens if it doesn't work this time, what then, what's the next step??
My sperm donor doesn't have any more available samples at the moments so again what happens if this doesn't work and I try again? What then?

There's so many variables and so many what ifs, it's so hard to stay on top of it all at times and keep myself on track whilst making sure I don't spiral and freak out by it all. It's certainly a tough journey I'm taking here.

My brother and sister in law have been in touch a fair bit which has made a change and has been nice, they're both rooting for me. At times I wonder if they just want me to experience how hard it can all be, but really I'm sure it's not that, I know they really want this for me, all my family do which is great. Their support really doesn mean a lot to me, it also means though that any news or text results I do have to ring round everyone! All of a sudden my private life isn't at all very private!

So now just the wait to start.
In the meantime I'm working quite a lot and trying to keep myself as busy as I can, I think last time I spent a lot of time doing nothing......and that's never good. I have an allotment that needs keeping up and if the sun ever shines here I have a lovely promenade to wander down.