Saturday 30 March 2013

I caved


Ok this morning I caved and did another pregnancy test. 
I know I'm not supposed to but I just so desperaely want this all to work and to finally have the chance to be a mum I gues I'm getting a little impatient. As well, it's Easter weekend and tomorrow I'm going for dinner with the family and I just thought if it was a positive test then wouldn't it be great to share it with them all tomorrow but it's not to be, not at the moment anyway. I know it's really early to be testing so it's no surprise it's still negative but I did wonder if there might be a little faint second line I could see but sadly nothing.
After taking the test I did feel a bit deflated and low but it's not the end yet, not yet.

For the rest of the day I didn't really know what to do with myself but I know that there's probably going to be more days like this so I have to really try to keep going and try really hard not to let it get to me too much.

So what to do today? 
First I went off to buy some more gardening goodies and then the rest of the moring I spent clearing one of the many areas on my list, the pile of stuff in the dinning room. A job well done I'd say, although to be fair all I seemed to do was tidy it up and put it all back where it was.

It's so easy at times to just sit on the sofa and do absolutely nothing, watch bad TV and while the time away but I just know that's the worst thing I can do. At times it's a trial just to keep myself going from day to day, just trying to keep busy and keep my mind off of everything, but I really have to I can't let myself get dragged down by it all as after all there's no one but me who's going to get me back out of any hole I end up in.  

I really fancied a stroll along the seafront this afternoon but one minute it seems to be starting to snow and the next it's bright sunshine but through it all it's freezing cold and I just hate the cold but after an hour or so of umming and aring I just went for it and headed out. It was as cold as it was the other day along the seafront but it was nice out there really and definintely good for me to be out and about. It's a long walk along the front a four mile round trip and each time I do it I just know it's the best thing I can be doing right now. There's a cafe at the end of the promenade so after a peppermint tea stop I headed back home and then off to my allotment.

I still have this shed to decide on and it's proving to be tricky, which is the best one to get and two doors or one door?? I have absolutely no idea, what do I know about sheds after all?! Anyway more measuring and talking to crazy Nigel and it's back home for fish and chips, I'm a bit fed up with veggies at the moment but more than that I'm fed up with all the washing up every night!

No comments:

Post a Comment